Total bliss I tell ya. I have the whole house to myself for 14 days. Absolutely wonderful. It was worth the hassle dragging all her bags to the car alone. She just stood there and watch and barked orders. Pissed me the fuck off. I just don’t understand why a woman needs so many damn bags when they aint gonna stay that long. If it were me, I’d have taken one of her bags, a bag for my toiletries and that’s it. But it was all worth it. I put on my biggest, cheesiest smile and waved at her until she turned off the road and onto the main road. I headed back into the house already making plans. I figured I’d have a few friends over tonight for a card game. Just a few, nothing big.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Welcome to Wal-Mart?

“Thanks.?

I grabbed my shopping cart and pushed past the elderly woman at the door. Damn, I just think she winked at me. Ewww. Damn. I checked back over my shoulder only to find she’s still watching me. Oh hell. She just licked her lips at me and winked again. What the fuck? OK, maybe I’m trippin? Maybe the Heineken I drank before I left home is fucking with me. I did drink it a bit fast.

After whizzing through the aisles of Wally World and filling my buggy, I head over to the cereal section to get me some more Corn Pops. I’m searching for the biggest box when someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn and face none other than the door greeter. Oh hell. What the fuck does she want? She done ran a brotha down. We just stare for a few minutes before I finally find my voice and speak.

“Hello uhh, Ma’am.?

I turn back around and act like I’m having difficulties making a decision.

“Excuse me, Sir??

I slowly turn and face her again. “Yes, Ma’am, can I help you?

I knew once those words left my mouth they were going to bite me in the ass. Sure enough, a grin spread across her face and she lowered her eyes and started batting her lashes at me.

“I don’t usually do this, but?are you married??

Oh my goodness! She was flirting with me! Ewww! I cringed and shuttered.

“Uhhh, no Ma’am? I laughed nervously. Her face lit up so I quickly added more, “but I-I do have a w-woman. Yeah, I have a woman. She’s uhh, she’s outta town and uhh, that’s why I’m here…uhhh, doing the grocery shopping.?

Why in the hell was I telling this woman all my business? I had definitely opened mouth and inserted foot because she said ever so sweetly?

“Well, if she’s outta town then maybe you could come over to my house and I can…”

I’m not sure what else she said because I burned tile getting away from that woman. She was old enough to be my grandmother. Double ewww. I sped away in no particular direction and I ran into two of my ole buddies, Bobby and Tim, from back when I used to live in Winston Salem. I wasn’t there too long because Susan, the daddy’s girl turned rebellious girl turned back into a daddy’s girl kicked my ass out the house. That was the life. Susan was working for Daddy in the family business and paying all the bills. All I had to do was supply the dick and look good on her arm. I was her showpiece. He family despised me but wanted their daughter to be happy. Until they found out I was shaking up FREE with their angel. Humph! I could tell them some stories that would dispute any ‘angel?accusations.

Her girlfriends would gawk at me whenever they were around. OK, I admit, I slept with a few of them but she never found out. Damn, I remember it like it was yesterday. The memories still make my dick swell, and brings a smile to my face. They were some wild and very freaky girls let me tell you. Susan would get in one of her spoiled girl attitudes and withhold sex from me. Sheeit?she just didn’t know, those same girls she was bragging to about how good her man was putting it down in the bedroom were the same girls eagerly spreading them sexy legs for big poppa to slide between. It was funny to me how they’d come over afterwards as if nothing ever happened. That was fine by me because I needed a place to lay my head. Which I had, until her ole man stuck his nose where it didn’t belong. He told Susan if she didn’t get me out of her house that she was out of his Will pronto! So, you know what happened next?

“Man, why do you keep looking over your shoulders??Tim asked, laughing.

I didn’t want to tell them that an elderly woman was trying to holla. I knew that would only generate a tremendous amount of laughter and definite ridicule. No thanks. I had a reputation to uphold. How would I look in their eyes if they knew an old woman was trying to get with me? They’d think I was slipping.

I chatted with Bob & Tim for a few minutes until I saw that ole ass door greeter pass by the end of the aisle and then come back. Damn if she wasn’t circling me like a vulture. I quickly gave the guys my address and invited them to the house to play some cards. The more the merrier. We said our goodbyes and parted ways. I made it through the checkout line and out to my truck without running into that ole woman again. Note to self?find another Wally World to shop at. I sat in the car and looked over my bill. Donna would have a conniption if she knew I spent $43.19 on junk food and drinks. That was my bill money. I’ll just call Duke Energy when I get home and ask them about paying the bill at a later date. Speaking of drinks, I need to hit Aunt Bessie’s Caf?on my way home. OK, in plainer English, the ABC Store. I pulled out my wallet and counted my on hand cash. Hmmm, on second thought, I’ll just tell the guys to bring a bottle of something when they come.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7:00 on the nose the doorbell rings. I answer it and welcome two of my boys. Not long after the bell rings again and again?pretty soon everyone that was invited has arrived. The music is jumping, cards are being dealt and the booze is flowing. Bob & Tim brought a fucking Keg! That’s what I’m talkin?bout. We played several hands off cards and just like any other time, nuccas got rowdy. Said my cut from the kitty pot was ridiculous. I just took my share of the money seeing how it was my house. One comment led to another and the next thing you know nuccas trying to fight.

Aint no way in the world I was gonna let a fight jump off up in Donna’s crib. The alcohol was starting to kick in and tempers were flaring. After a good cussing out, the fellas calmed down. We played a few more hands of cards, watched a few movies, and then we pulled out the PS2. I couldn’t hang anymore so around 5am, I drug my tired ass to bed.

“Last one leave, lock up? I shouted back over my shoulder at anyone who was listening.

When I got up the next morning, there was nuccas stretched out all over my living room floor, one on the couch and one was even in the damn bathtub. The house looked like a stampede had come through. My eyes were still half closed when I tripped over sleeping body’s making my way through the leftover’s and into the kitchen. My next-door neighbor was out mowing the lawn. If it weren’t for the fact that it was after one in the afternoon, I would have shouted out the door at him.

I poured some water in the coffee maker and ground up some beans. Once the coffee was set, I opened the fridge and pulled out some breakfast ingredients. I learned to cook by force. When I wasn’t living with a honey, I had to eat. Eating out got expensive so brotha had to learn. My momma laughed at me, and the entire time she was showing me the basics, she gave me a few of her ‘I-told-you-so?speeches. The last thing I cared to hear. So here I am laying out some bacon on the large round cookie sheet. I put that in the stove and then a pan of Pillsbury frozen biscuits. Once the bacon started smelling up the house, them lazy muthafukkas started stirring. By the time I took the carton of eggs out of the fridge, they were all standing around the kitchen sipping on my coffee and waiting for a meal. Damn! But?them my boys. I scrambled a dozen and a half of eggs with cheese, put some bacon on the table and hot biscuits, molasses, orange juice and the rest of the E & J that was still on the coffee table.

We got our belly’s full and started back up with playing cards. We hadn’t even played one hand before Deb came through the door. The guys started gawking and whistling at her. Of course Deb loved the attention. She sashayed around the room in her skimpy clothes giving the guys a good view of her body at every angle. Of all the times, this was a time I wished she had dressed as if Donna was home. I didn’t like the way the fellas were looking at her. Her too tight strapless top almost revealed her secrets when she leaned over to give a requested hug. The top stopped a right under her plump tits giving us a spectacular view of her flat stomach. I do believe her nipples were hard. It was easy to tell cause she didn’t have a bra on. Of course she was sporting a matching mini skirt that stopped just under her phat ass. When she bent over every one that was behind her leaned over too. I do have to admit she was so fucking sexy decked out in her lil red and white outfit with some white high wedged-heel sandals. She was super hot today. Umph umph umph! She needed me to bend her over and…..

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